Hi everyone! Bit of a strange message to write really lol. I’ve gambled my entire life! 31 years old and I can still remember watching my mam play slots in the amusements as a kid and watching my dad play poker with his pals and always loved it! Then once I could I started playing probably around 12/13! Over the years I’ve never really been financially stable. Shitty jobs with little income and when kids come along you basically have nothing left after bills. But I’d always keep some aside for a bit of a gamble! In all honestly I’ve probably not lost more than some people lose on a weekend in my lifetime. But when you don’t have a lot, Losing everything you have is a real sickening feeling that I can guarantee the vast majority of gamblers have felt! Over the last few years I’ve found that watching the likes of jimbo and Craig has helped me curb my gambling when the itch needs scratched, but every single time I’ve played slots or roulette I’ve lost, and with little to no enjoyment. Feeling doomed from the off! I’ve genuinely lost over £200 on 20p/40p stakes without a bonus... MULTIPLE times! And it kills every single time! Over the years I would say 250x is my biggest single win, but I’ve just gone through my banking history and it’s just deposit after deposit with nothing coming back! I’m at a stage in my life where I’m trying to improve things in my life to become happier for myself, for my partner and my kids. And although gambling has been my dirty little secret. I really don’t want it anymore! I’m absolutely sick of depositing £100 and losing it within 20 minutes/half an hour... to then feel like £45 for a pair of jeans is a rip off 😂. Another feeling most gamblers can probably relate too! At the age of 27 I was evicted from my home for a multitude of reasons. I was homeless and staying at my sons mums house on weekends to see my son (we were seperared obvs) and decided that I was sick of dead end jobs. After scraping together some money and working hard I got myself somewhere else to live. I then decided to go back to college and do an access course whilst working full time. I managed to pass my access course and with some mental health issues over the years I decided to start a degree in clinical psychology! Part of my 1st year course was specifically on addiction and addiction behaviour! I learned that gambling is the most weird addiction possible! With abs injesting addiction it’s the high the body craves! And that’s where the addiction comes from! With gambling... it’s been proven that you’re body releases dopamine, the pleasure hormone.. not when you win.. but when you lose! And people are addicted to losing and not winning! Still... as a gambler and tbh... it’s about time I called myself a gambling addict... it didn’t stop me! I met a new partner in my first year of uni. And we have a beautiful 6 month old daughter together and I still have my son every weekend... she was born in October lockdown... with absolutely no income whatsoever... We struggled like mad and I still found money to lose gambling.... and today.. I’ve decided that I don’t want to be addicted to losing anymore! Abs I want to be addicted to becoming a better person! I know most people have no issues with there gambling! And for a long time I think I’ve been in denial’. Today I managed to deposit £100 again playing 20p/40p spins. Up down up down up down.. like I have been all week on other sites depositing. And I went to withdraw! Hadn’t done KYC and uploaded all my docs when I had £120 balance! I couldn’t help myself and before the KYC had been confirmed... in less than 25 minutes the entire balance was gone! Honestly I’m so sick to the stomach of this feeling I think I just finally decided enough was enough! So I love register with gamstop for 5 years. And I’ve frozen gambling transactions with my bank so I can’t use my cards for gambling! I don’t even feel happy! I’m still seething with myself for losing the £120 I really could have done with.but I think I’m gunna go to sleep with a sense of relief that it’s gunna be impossible for me to feel this way again! I’ve literally entered every single giveaway on this site for about 2 years and I was lucky to have won once and I’m so grateful for it because it was in may last year when I was preparing for my baby girl! But I’m happy to say I won’t be entering anymore lol. I’ll still support and like the channel becuase I know the feeling of wanting to gamble won’t go away! But the enjoyment of watching Craig and jimbo will be enough to contain my addiction hopefully! I’m so sorry for the pure essay I just wanted to tell someone! And as a gambling community I hope this either gives someone else who understands me that push to help themselves.. or at least some of you sick fucks a laugh at my expense haha. Cya around 👌
Sorry to hear about your woes and I think you have made a great decision here.
Gambling should be for enjoyment and it is patently clear from your post that you have gambled through habit and that any enjoyment has long since gone.
I hope that you are able to stay away from it and devote both the money you will save and the the time no longer spent gambling towards your young family. They are your jackpot in life and it is not worth risking them for anything.
At the end of the day, the best move is always to not gamble because in the long run you'll benefit from it. Always a big decision to make but after about 3 months you'll think 'why did i not do this earlier'. Key then is to stay off the slots and not think that you can eventually return. Like giving up cigs or booze or anything, just distance yourself from it and find something else hobby wise to do when you get bored. Eventually you'll subconscious mind will retrain your brain so that the itch is no longer there.
It will suck in the short term but will be good in the ling term. Get an online savings account that has a time delay on withdrawing your money and when you feel like playing put £20 in it. When you see that build up you'll start to feel the benefit.
Well done otherwise.
Your story touches me, and resonates.
Good job!
though we do allow use of the return key on our forum!
Haha no paragraphs for you 😂😂
that better? Lol
Dam dude, I think every gamblers can relate to your story in some way, the high & the lows.
I also think you've made a great decision to no longer gamble, as you always seem to seek bettering yourself for your family, Gambling is never the answer here.
Thanks for sharing my dude, and you're always welcome here 😎